Healthy boundries

A post in a community I'm in sparked this.How to tell if a boundary is healthy or just mule-headed (this is for the person setting the boundaries anyone else is just gonna have to deal).1. the boundary is set to protect you. example You need a minimum of 8 hours of sleep and your boss asks you to pull a 20 hour shift. Saying no to the OT is a healthy boundary.2. The boundary doesn't ask anyone else to harm themselves. (now this one is one slime-balls will try to use.They will tell you that your boundary hurts them. tell them if they don't like it to leave.)example: You don't want sex, saying no protects you and doesn't hurt anyone. (regardless of the lies some people tell sex is not required of you) Now if someone is wanting sex all the time and you don't you will not have a relationship with them for long. But it is better to not have a relationship than to have one that damages you.3.Healthy boundaries are flexible. Your life is not static and unchanging so your boundaries shouldn't be either. If you change your mind about something it's ok and it doesn't mean you can't change your mind back later. (sex analogy again you can say yes and then due to flash backs ectra you can say no even if you are in the middle of sex. Just give your partner a break on this if you are in the middle of sex and change your mind be clear on saying stop and once your partner stops (which should be very quickly after you say stop)let them know if there is anything you can do intimacy wise.)4. Healthy boundaries help maintain and improve health. A boundary that says I'm hypoglycemic so need to eat something every x hours is designed to maintain health. A boundary that says I'm fat and ugly so shouldn't eat more than once a day is BS and needs to be changed (personal experience here folks I still struggle with this one a lot)5. Some people have serious trouble respecting other peoples boundaries. If you have folks like this around you it is better for you if they go away. (Most folks who don't have healthy boundaries have at least one person in their circle of friends who will fight with them about setting healthy boundaries (or in some cases any boundaries).6. when learning to set boundaries it is generally best if you can get advice from someone knowledgeable about weather or not a specific boundary is healthy or not. As a general rule anyone in the psychology field should have a good understanding of boundaries, and anyone who has been through a shitload of therapy to help learn good boundaries will also have a pretty good grasp of what is healthy and what isn't. I'd steer away from asking your circle of friends advice on boundaries when just learning to set them (see number 5 and remember that most slime-balls also have a good grasp of boundaries they just use it to their advantage).