Friday, June 29, 2007

Same to you



Calling me a fucking bitch in front of my nine year old child is really petty.Puppy told me that someone was calling me a fing b while they had her and her sister out shopping this weekend. She also seemed to think she would be in trouble for telilng me that this induvidual had taken them shopping at Victoria Secrets.I make sure people don't bad mouth Warin anywhere in the kids hearing or potential hearing, too bad I don't get the same respect from his household.

46 comments:

rewindreality07 said...

I don't know who said that in front of the Puppy, but I am sure it was not one of the members of my household (by which I mean me, omimouse, and louisadkins). Yes, you do get that respect from us -- I understand very thoroughly, and agree with, the idea presented in the parenting class we both took that doing otherwise hurts the kids, and I have made sure to impart that understanding to those I live with.As far as the 'in trouble for telling' goes, I don't a rodent's rump whether she tells you or not; she's not going to get in trouble from my household.

st93noho1978yahoocom said...

... Shopping at VS after the email you sent previously? Shopping there for her or for someone else? *hopes it's the latter and not someone being a jackass*

buddetbegs95 said...

*hugs* comforts* jeez..

everydaylociasdemocracy16yahoocom said...

It was Reanna to Omimouse and Omi didn't say anything to her about not calling me names in front of puppy. I have called others on talking bad about you or even venting frustration about you where the kids might even possibly hear it. I would appreciate it if you would impart that understanding to those you regularly have around the kids. I am aware that better than half the time you have the girls Reanna and Jake are actually with them as well, or are alone with them.

meushealtnhhb18 said...

shopping for bra's for bearcub, yes after I sent an email telling folks I don't find it appropriate for anyone other than myself or Warin to buy her underthings. Apparently as long as Warin pays for it they thought I'd be ok with it. Completely missing the point.

tdelahiesway3515 said...

hugs snuggles and damn if the timestamp is correct i could have called last night.

ptrougal said...

it is.. we took a nap. . but dogs woke us up early

blueriverd9sign88e said...

I'm not so charitable in my assumptions given the comment that was made at the same time.Since this isn't filtered, Warin, it's really not appropriate. Not at all. Especially not for a male to gift underthings to an underage female not his child by blood or bond.

beaotifilisulatedlufe48 said...

After my parents divorced, my grandmother (dad's mom) used to take great pains to corner my brother and me at every opportunity to tell us how evil our mother was.It's possibly the biggest reason that neither of us have much of a relationship with our grandparents now.Kids aren't stupid, they don't want to hear bad things about *either* of their parents, and that shit backfires.

khoihcmc8365yahoocom said...

It sounds like someone(s) is(are) having problems with the whole situation. It may be time for you to sit down and let them know that things aren't as tense as they think... or at least that you and your household need for everyone who interacts with the children to respect your wishes to treat the children's other parents with respect just as they respect your household. This isn't unusual in divorce. Friends take sides and sometimes people need to vent with those friends. That's okay. In fact, it can be very healthy. But everyone needs to make sure that they don't vent in front of the kids. I think that everyone agrees that they don't want the children hurt in any way. I just think that it may have slipped folx's minds that they need to include talking to friends about making sure they check to make sure the kids aren't within hearing distance when talking about or venting about the "other side". And I really do think that most of it is venting. People will say things when they vent that they might not say if they stopped and really thought about things. People get frustrated with situations. People have different views and if they have "bumped views" with someone else they're going to get angry and frustrated. They may feel like it's a personal attack. And then, of course they're going to vent!! It's only natural... they just need to watch when and where they're doing it.It's also perfectly natural for a child to think they're going to get in trouble for "telling the other parent" about something. Particularly when another parent has gotten upset about something in the first place. The best thing to do is for all the adults in each household to tell the children that they will never ever ever get in trouble for telling the truth about anything. Say something like, "hey, we understand that Puppy thought she was going to get in trouble for telling about something. We just wanted to let you both know that it's never the case. You'll never ever ever get in trouble for telling the truth about anything like that. IN fact, if something happens that you've done, you'll always get in less trouble for telling the truth than lying about it. If something happens to you, we always want to know about it." Sometimes kids just need to be reminded about that... especially when parents divorce and households break up. Sorry this is so long... but sometimes households need to be reminded too. Hang in there.

eadkmniv said...

Hrrrrm. I take Jennifer to Dillards... I really don't think she's old enough to go to VS.

prnisecsjess said...

If you are referring to the underwear previously, I picked it out. Louis's name was on the card that paid for it, but that card hits an account with all three of our names on it. It was grey, and it was VS due to comfort of materials used and the fact that VS garments will last a very long time if taken proper care of. That, and last I checked, the girls considered Louis family regardless.Secondly, had I been aware that Puppy was anywhere in range at all, I would've mentioned something along the lines of 'not in front of the kids'. As it was, it was a loud store, and there was at least one point where Reanna was helping me fit a bra in a closed booth. Reana was not happy about being accused of buying Bear-Cub 'inappropriate' clothing. I will mention here also that Puppy's hearing must be phenomanal, since she would have overheard a very low voiced comment in a crowded store that had music going at considerable volume. After we had both checked to make sure that the kids were not within range, I might add.Thirdly, I am somewhat insulted in that I am being tacitly accused of attempting to dress Bear-Cub in 'inappropriate' ways. Catchild has stated in the past that she has extreme problems with the very notion of her children growing up at all; I do not believe that this has changed. I was there for the various garment shopping; VS was my idea about 2 weeks before that e-mail. Again, comfort of materials used and durability of said undergarmnets. The clothing we bought for her at Marshall's no longer works because she picked up about 2 cup sizes between then and this past Saturday. (Store ladies measured her at a 36C.) The bras we got for her at VS yesterday are plain white and beige. She helped pick out what was comfortable, and myself and Renana helped make sure it fit properly. (Not too loose, not too tight, band not sliding in or digging in . . .)VS is not just a lingerie store. They make good, comfortable, durable clothing. This was our only motivation for buying Bear-Cub anything there.I should not have to be defending this. But, like I said, I'm getting sideline accused of trying to sexy up a 13 year old when all I'm doing is helping her find clothing that fits, looks nice, and is comfortable. Oh, and fits school dress code. Which, when she tried it on, it all did.Do me a really big favour and check with the other side before you call foul next time, please. Sarcasam? No, I'm serious. I just wasn't posting in my LJ about any of this out of courtesy earlier. It seems to have led to an invitation to be slammed. Next time, I'll just put up my side of things and to hell with it.

cicileagurietrez said...

Shopping at VS after the email you sent previously?And just why were you party to the email?Shopping there for her or for someone else?Shopping for two adult women, and for a thirteen-year-old who has gone up two cup sizes in the last month.*hopes it's the latter and not someone being a jackass*Before you jump to conclusions about me, my household, or those with whom we associate, please make sure you have more than a single biased viewpoint.

paneldefotoarafigs9 said...

Apparently as long as Warin pays for it they thought I'd be ok with it. Completely missing the point.No, I didn't think you'd be 'okay with it.' I did not see any reason to consider your comfort level; you don't seem to consider my position on this or any other subject worthy of consideration. My concern was, is, and will continue to be with the girls.

juweol30 said...

Warin has addressed the household feelings on this, but let me restate. Any statements to the negative regarding you would be made, to the best of our ability, out of child's earshot. It is a no-brainer that you don't get nasty about the other parent, or a member of their family/household, in front of the children. This is, or should be, a common courtesy.Yes, we went to VS. Some of the other adults needed bras, and VS was their best bet for them. And, yes, they do have good quality materials for their clothing. You seem to have equated VS as "sexy" - while they may market that from time to time, they also carry standard, every day clothes. Do you really think we are going to try and do something stupid like get her in to a thong, or such? Please show common enough respect, yourself, that we are not trying to make her "Sexzay" or "Hawt." We do realize that she is growing up, and we also realize that she is not ready to attract that (read sexual) kind of attention.As for Puppy feeling she would get in trouble for talking to us, there is not much new I can say there. We have told her before (repeatedly) that she will not get in trouble for talking to us. We have also demonstrated this. If she has a problem, and lets us know about it, it gets addressed. But, for whatever reason, she seems to keep coming back to the idea that she is suppose to not talk to us and instead is suppose to talk to you. It's like she has this idea that she is suppose to be reporting things to you, and she also will (sometimes) embellish the details. Now, I also must comment that I remember your reactions to when anyone would post something in what you thought was an unlocked post in LJ in regards to problems with you.

arangurenasuschyveas92 said...

The general feel we try to give the kids is that anything from this household comes from all of us. To specify, since it seems to keep coming back up, I have not specifically picked out any of the underclothing. I was the person to pay for the clothing from the common account, that's about it. I also have not been into the fitting rooms with Bearcub (or Puppy, for that matter) to help her try/fit her clothing (under- or regular.)Also, I note that when I was living next door to the girls, before last year, that the occasions when I paid for clothing (under- or regular) for the girls was not considered a problem by anyone involved.Assumptions are generally bad to make, as you are making decisions without details and you know it.

nriperformatce3 said...

Exactly.

iosthelbdayz said...

Most of this I addressed in my general comment, so I won't double post.There was no malicious intent in any of our taking the kids shopping with us.

linguatpiseolar6yahoocom said...

I should not have to be defending this. But, like I said, I'm getting sideline accused of trying to sexy up a 13 year old when all I'm doing is helping her find clothing that fits, looks nice, and is comfortable. Oh, and fits school dress code. Which, when she tried it on, it all did.No it did not. The original bras I objected to are push up bra's that are only half cups, and the Blue velvet dress has a neck line that you can fit two credit cards end to end in starting at the hollow of the throat That was the day she brought it home. The school dress code is that you can not have any skin showing between a credit card laid at the hollow of the throat and the lowest point of the neckline. (And that is laying the credit card short way not long way)So yes if you chose those outfits or approved them then you are trying to sexy up a 13 year old.Catchild has stated in the past that she has extreme problems with the very notion of her children growing up at all; I do not believe that this has changed.Since you haven't spoken to me in over a year you have no way of knowing. For the record yes I am uncomfortable with the thought of my children ever being interested in sex or anyone looking at them as sexual. This does not equal an extreame problem with them growing up. This also doesn't equal me being unwilling to allow them to dress in age appropriate ways. That dress would be fine as is if she were 18.

graff5xtationi9yahoocom said...

And just why were you party to the email?Because I asked him to proofread it.

vinyokadaesxl said...

You make two statements:No it did not. The original bras I objected to are push up bra's that are only half cups, and the Blue velvet dress has a neck line that you can fit two credit cards end to end in starting at the hollow of the throat That was the day she brought it home. The school dress code is that you can not have any skin showing between a credit card laid at the hollow of the throat and the lowest point of the neckline. (And that is laying the credit card short way not long way)andSo yes if you chose those outfits or approved them then you are trying to sexy up a 13 year old.Statement A does not validate Statement B.

kkadda said...

Do you really think we are going to try and do something stupid like get her in to a thong, or such? Please show common enough respect, yourself, that we are not trying to make her "Sexzay" or "Hawt." We do realize that she is growing up, and we also realize that she is not ready to attract that (read sexual) kind of attention.Considering the first set of bra's are Push up, underwire, half cups? I don't know what any of you would suggest for her. I didn't expect that any of you would have found the blue dress or push up bra's to be non sexy.Now, I also must comment that I remember your reactions to when anyone would post something in what you thought was an unlocked post in LJ in regards to problems with you. Considering none of the folks who actually made the comment I am angry over are on my friends list and the person who made the comment has told me to never contact her in any way shape form or fashion for the rest of my life? This was in my opinion a much fairer way to handle the situation. This way yes you do get to respond.It's like she has this idea that she is suppose to be reporting things to you, and she also will (sometimes) embellish the details.The only things she gets asked about are did she have a good time and did she get to see her daddy. She has been told before that unless it bothers her or upsets her I don't want any information about her daddy's house.

eaaghberkc said...

Considering the first set of bra's are Push up, underwire, half cups? I don't know what any of you would suggest for her.From what I understand, these were not "push up" bras any more than the fact that they were not sport bras. Underwire is an option for support, not an automatically inappropriate solution. (Difference noted between putting someone's breasts up on display, and just supporting the breasts) The main things that we were aiming for when we got those for her were (a) that they fit, (b) that they were comfortable for her, (c) that they were not inappropriate. She tried on a number of bras, and chose the ones we bought. The fit was verified at the time, as was the question of comfort. And there were some that we did consider inappropriate, that she didn't get to choose from. As far as what they looked like, they are worn under clothing. Other than the fact that they did not clash with clothing, and didn't have things like "sexy devil" or the like on it, why does this matter?*Considering none of the folks who actually made the comment I am angry over are on my friends list and the person who made the comment has told me to never contact her in any way shape form or fashion for the rest of my life? This was in my opinion a much fairer way to handle the situation. This way yes you do get to respond.I would have honestly thought you would have made a specific filter for it.*The only things she gets asked about are did she have a good time and did she get to see her daddy. She has been told before that unless it bothers her or upsets her I don't want any information about her daddy's house.I'm not saying you interrogate her, but she keeps slipping back to thinking she can do this. I don't know if she feels it gets her extra attention, or what, but I think we need to figure out what's going on with it.

weisshund said...

Considering none of the folks who actually made the comment I am angry over are on my friends list and the person who made the comment has told me to never contact her in any way shape form or fashion for the rest of my life? This was in my opinion a much fairer way to handle the situation. This way yes you do get to respond.I would have honestly thought you would have made a specific filter for it.can't filter if not on friendslist. None of the folks directly involved are on my friendslist, because I don't read them and generally have nothign to say to them. This includes you.

aetisanssrlling38 said...

You have not bothered to discuss any of them with us. Yours or ours.

tonsvideo28s said...

First of all, I am NOT and have NEVER been a member of Warin's household. Furthermore, that comment was made in a dressing room away from kids, or so I thought. Perhaps Puppy needs to have a lesson in private conversations being private. Also, I did not take anyone shopping, I was there as their Godmother, which you and Warin have both granted me in the past, and which he has confirmed very recently to me that I am still their godmother as far as he is concerned. As Warin isn't terribly comfortable helping his teenaged daughter get fitted for bras, I am the next logical step, and have been fitting bras for myself and helping others with it since I was thirteen.I personally don't give a flying flip whether or not you think VS is appropriate; I don't hide much at all from anyone. I simply shop there for the quality goods they sell. I do, however, think it ludicrous that I was the one who showed Bearcub how to fit bras, how to fasten them, and that the band size on the sports bra she was wearing was slipping under her breasts the first time that she had bras bought for her. At the time, those undergarments fit properly and was nothing that *my* mother (the original clothing Nazi) would not have approved of.The trip to VS I was utterly horrified to learn that you had told Bearcub that she wore a 36DD. She is NOWHERE near my size, and my bras would have looked like deflated pancakes on her. Aside from personal shopping, the reason for the VS trip was to get her professionally measured at the time so that there would be a guideline. An improperly sized bra, especially one sized too large, is a misery to the wearer, as I know personally.Regardless of whether or not you or I agree on anything, I have never intentionally told the kids anything negative about you; I wouldn't start now. Whether you believe that or not is entirely up to you. Also, you are mistaken in your belief that I have told you never to contact me again; I simply don't want to be griped at or told that your world and its miseries are all my fault all over again. That does not negate my love and concern for the kids.Lastly, since you intentionally made this post where I could see it, I'm glad I had the chance to have my say in the matter. There is enough miscommunication and misinterpretation going on as it is.

k0hihcmc0 said...

Frankly, I don't care, I just don't see how you can think it's appropriate even if someone else picked it out. *shrugs* I guess we'll have to agree to disagree, but then I don't expect to find much common ground with you anyways.

agntoecolocicoyahoocom said...

Sounds good. I don't see why you would think it would not be appropriate for me to purchase the clothes, as the clothing was okayed by a parent involved. As for finding much common ground, if you start out assuming you can't find it, then you are much less likely to be able to do so.

price0fpassion3554 said...

Whether or not you thought she was in earshot, please keep negative comments about us to times and places where the kids are not around you.As for private conversations, Have Them In Private.As for who should be fitting her for underclothes, it is more appropriately their mothers place. Not yours.Whether your mother would approve or not is beside the point, her mother did not.I also do not feel that the style, type or fit was appropriate for her or her age group.Her size by the company we order from, she is 32D+, she was never told was a 36DD.As for communication with you, that can be covered elsewhere if you wish.I believe you still have my e-mail address.

outbackjackandjill810 said...

As for private conversations, Have Them In Private.As I believe I stated above, I wasn't aware it wasn't private.As for who should be fitting her for underclothes, it is more appropriately their mothers place. Not yours.Had she been properly fitted the first time, I would be more inclined to agree. Her size by the company we order from, she is 32D+, she was never told was a 36DD.Her band size is not a 32-inch band, it is a 36-inch band. And D+ in non-standard sizing charts equates to a DD in standard sizing charts, as I researched it thoroughly several years ago before and after my reduction.As for appropriateness, I also have stated that there are things that adults do not agree on. Both of you also apparently saw them after she underwent a growth spurt, which will change how things fit.As for communication with you, that can be covered elsewhere if you wish.I believe you still have my e-mail address.I think you will understand me when I say that, after the treatment my husband and I were subjected to in the past in our absence, you will both understand if I decline to comment, as I am neither being mind-controlled nor abused. I also do not appreciate the implication that my husband has such designs on me or anyone else.

undim8870 said...

If the kids are in the same buiding, assume it's not private.

crazymiadnkwort63 said...

True enough. I was thinking of the ability to filter your friend's list, specifically filter out some people.

enrualpejez said...

As long as that applies to both your household and its visitors as well as Warin's, that sounds fair.

amiilekaayahoocom said...

That's why I said I wasn't being given the same respect that I give them. No one is permitted to bash Warin or those in his household if the children are in the same building, this includes if we go to the mall and someone takes the kids to one store and I'm in another. The mall is one building the children are in it therefore it isn't privet.

gioastesax said...

First of all I showed my daughter how to fasten a bra two years ago. I also don't inspect my childs breasts, I wait for her to tell me a bra is uncomfortable for her. If she is wearing a bra that doesn't fit it is because I don't inspect her breasts and at the time i bought the bra for her it fit her.Secondly even if you are considered her Godmother by her father it is still not your place to take my daughter shopping for bra's at all. You are a friend of my daughter and of my ex-husband this does not mean you are her mother or that you are allowed to take care of things only a mother should be doing.The bras you got for her at Marshalls are push up bras that two of the three are not even full cups. As I told Warin any furthuer clothing that is bought for my daughter that is inappropriate will be returned. If underclothes are bought for her by anyone other than me I will return them to the buyr and tell them it is not appropriate for them to be buying my daughter underwear. I will be talking with the social worker who comes in to help me with Pooka about this as well as showing her the bras you bought for bearcub. The ones that you bought last week that were left at her fathers house I can't return to you because I don't have them. Him paying for them doesn't make it ok for you to take her shopping for underwear.

gunofwords said...

It does.We do not allow any negative by anyone if the kid are arround.

v1de7narut02o said...

First of all I showed my daughter how to fasten a bra two years ago. She may have forgotten, because she had a bit of trouble with it.I also don't inspect my childs breasts, I wait for her to tell me a bra is uncomfortable for her. If she is wearing a bra that doesn't fit it is because I don't inspect her breasts and at the time i bought the bra for her it fit her.I don't inspect my son's crotch, but I do periodically inspect how his underwear fit him, since I would like grandchildren at some point.Secondly even if you are considered her Godmother by her father it is still not your place to take my daughter shopping for bra's at all. You are a friend of my daughter and of my ex-husband this does not mean you are her mother or that you are allowed to take care of things only a mother should be doing.There is the crux of the matter: you don't think it's appropriate. However, Warin does, and he has just as much say, legally, morally, and ethically, as you do. It is his responsibility as much as yours to try to make sure as much as possible that his children are properly fed and clothed. As much as you would like it to be, it's not about you, it's about the kids, and what Warin and those that he associates with want for them, which is to see them healthy and happy.I will be talking with the social worker who comes in to help me with Pooka about this as well as showing her the bras you bought for bearcub. Was this supposed to be mistaken for a threat?

cswitqh427 said...

I will be talking with the social worker who comes in to help me with Pooka about this as well as showing her the bras you bought for bearcub.Was this supposed to be mistaken for a threat?Take it however you wish I was giving notice that the social services folks will be seeing the type of clothing you and their father find appropriate for her and getting their opinion of the appropriatness of the clothing. If you see it as a threat then perhaps you know that the clothing is not appropriate for a 13 year old.

aheladieswty14yahoocom said...

Until such time as Catchild and Warin talk this over and come to some agreement (as required by the parenting plan), it is their responsibility and no-one else. Even by proxy. So until this is settled kindly discontinue shopping for them.

penhcoyhdiai said...

As usual, you have mistaken my meaning. I don't consider anything that I have done to help the girls, advised by you or not, as a threat. Your insecurity is showing.

amerpourdoux said...

I will abide by any decisions Warin makes on this matter.

armencho said...

By the parenting plan, it's not just his decision.

cantoecooogicl63 said...

That is true. By the same parenting plan, there is supposed to be discussion on matters involving the kids, not one parent dictating policy to the other.

buddetbegs95 said...

where outside standards do not apply, we have continued the standards that were set when Warin was here. They can be ammended when he bothers to discuss them with Catchild, as has been requested.

ohmorningglory said...

Given your habit of using unspecified standards to try to control a situation, I'm sure you'll understand why I find this reasoning laughable. I believe Warin's understanding of these "standards" was at best incomplete. Therefore, the discussion should have already been initiated. Demanding compliance is not a way to promote understanding.

fragilemiie47 said...

As usual, you have mistaken my meaning. I don't consider anything that I have done to help the girls, advised by you or not, as a threat. Your insecurity is showing.Well your takeing them shopping and the bras you bought for her have the social worker reporting both houses to her superiors for evalution. The bras and the blue velvet dress are considered to be grooming a 13 year old child for sexual contact.This is actually the response I expected when I decided to show the outfit and the bras to the social worker who comes to help me with pooka.