Healthy boundries

A post in a community I'm in sparked this.How to tell if a boundary is healthy or just mule-headed (this is for the person setting the boundaries anyone else is just gonna have to deal).1. the boundary is set to protect you. example You need a minimum of 8 hours of sleep and your boss asks you to pull a 20 hour shift. Saying no to the OT is a healthy boundary.2. The boundary doesn't ask anyone else to harm themselves. (now this one is one slime-balls will try to use.They will tell you that your boundary hurts them. tell them if they don't like it to leave.)example: You don't want sex, saying no protects you and doesn't hurt anyone. (regardless of the lies some people tell sex is not required of you) Now if someone is wanting sex all the time and you don't you will not have a relationship with them for long. But it is better to not have a relationship than to have one that damages you.3.Healthy boundaries are flexible. Your life is not static and unchanging so your boundaries shouldn't be either. If you change your mind about something it's ok and it doesn't mean you can't change your mind back later. (sex analogy again you can say yes and then due to flash backs ectra you can say no even if you are in the middle of sex. Just give your partner a break on this if you are in the middle of sex and change your mind be clear on saying stop and once your partner stops (which should be very quickly after you say stop)let them know if there is anything you can do intimacy wise.)4. Healthy boundaries help maintain and improve health. A boundary that says I'm hypoglycemic so need to eat something every x hours is designed to maintain health. A boundary that says I'm fat and ugly so shouldn't eat more than once a day is BS and needs to be changed (personal experience here folks I still struggle with this one a lot)5. Some people have serious trouble respecting other peoples boundaries. If you have folks like this around you it is better for you if they go away. (Most folks who don't have healthy boundaries have at least one person in their circle of friends who will fight with them about setting healthy boundaries (or in some cases any boundaries).6. when learning to set boundaries it is generally best if you can get advice from someone knowledgeable about weather or not a specific boundary is healthy or not. As a general rule anyone in the psychology field should have a good understanding of boundaries, and anyone who has been through a shitload of therapy to help learn good boundaries will also have a pretty good grasp of what is healthy and what isn't. I'd steer away from asking your circle of friends advice on boundaries when just learning to set them (see number 5 and remember that most slime-balls also have a good grasp of boundaries they just use it to their advantage).

For all wh...

For all who Know Motorcycle RidersI saw you, hug your purse closer to you in the grocery store line.But, you didn't see me, put an extra $10.00 in the collection platelast Sunday.I saw you, pull your child closer when we passed each other on thesidewalk. But, you didn't see me, playing Santa at the local mall.I saw you, change your mind about going into the restaurant.But, you didn't see me, attending a meeting to raise more money forthe hurricane relief.I saw you, roll up your window and shake your head when I drove by.But, you didn't see me, driving behind you when you flicked yourcigarette butt out the car window.I saw you, frown at me when I smiled at your children.But, you didn't see me, when I took time off from work to run toys tothe homeless.I saw you, stare at my long hair. But, you didn't see me, and myfriends cut ten inches off for Locks of Love.I saw you, roll your eyes at our leather coats and gloves.But, you didn't see me, and my brothers donate our old coats andgloves to those that had none.I saw you, look in fright at my tattoos.But, you didn't see me, cry as my children where born and have theirname written over and in my heart.I saw you, change lanes while rushing off to go somewhere.But, you didn't see me, going home to be with my family.I saw you, complain about how loud and noisy our bikes can be.But, you didn't see me, when you were changing the CD and driftedinto my lane.I saw you, yelling at your kids in the car.But, you didn't see me, pat my child's hands, knowing he was safebehind me.I saw you, reading the newspaper or map as you drove down the road.But, you didn't see me, squeeze my wife's leg when she told me totake the next turn.I saw you, race down the road in the rain.But, you didn't see me, get soaked to the skin so my son could havethe car to go on his date.I saw you, run the yellow light just to save a few minutes of time.But, you didn't see me, trying to turn right.I saw you, cut me off because you needed to be in the lane I was in.But, you didn't see me, leave the road.I saw you, waiting impatiently for my friends to pass.But, you didn't see me. I wasn't there.I saw you, go home to your family. But, you didn't see me.Because, I died that day you cut me off.I was just a biker. A person with friends and a family.But, you didn't see me.Please repost this around in hopes that people will understand the bikercommunity .I hope you never loose someone that rides. Have a great week my friends.

core dump

so yesterday night we went and got puppy her strap for her glasses. she needed one to keep her glasses on during soccer. while out we realized that there was a new shoe store next door to wally world. so sinc edrkn and I both needed new shoes we went to see if we could get some. I found shoes that fit the very first pair I tried on. color me amazed and we bought two pair since the last pair I found that fit (back in september) is no longer made.then today was puppy's first game. teh kids had a blast and we don't even really know who won. I do have a major quibble with the orginizers though. for a game that had 3 feilds in play and 6 teams playing they had no first aid kits. I found this out when puppy got stepped on bad enough to need a band aid and an ice pack and there was no first aid supplies availible at all. needless to say I will be makeing sure my first aid kit is in teh van for future practices and games. I also emailed teh main orginizers and teh regional heads with a complaint about the lack of first aid gear.tired kitty

I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

99 on the written and 100 on the skills!!Happy danceing kitty.***************edited to add*************I got an email with my results this afternoon after being told that I would have to wait untill Wed or Fri to get my results.

State Finished

i'm home from State. I think I passed (when I'm not hearing nasty tapes in the back of my head anyway). I find out for certian in 3 to 5 days and I get my certificate in the mail in 4 to 6 weeks. Kitty will likely be stressy untill offical notification of pass/fail status. Most of us keep second guessing Andara and Berry and things were stressy enough that the common memory pool is a bit jumbled so we can't just go watch the movie and see what happened.

Test Today

Please keep a thought or ten for me today that I maintain my calm and my knowledge of my path is clear to those testing my skill level.I know my stuff, I can and have done the skills many times. I just need to remember to actually tell the testers what I'm doing as I do it.~Andara & Berry

Wish List

I'm makeing a list of material stuff I want.Music by Golden Bough (preferably Cd format although I'm not gonna turn down a tape.)Tom Smith music Preferably a copy of his first two albums (before he redid hellraiser and heat of the blood)Anita Blake books one through 22 (yes I know soem of these arent' written yet)(I have Cerilian Sins) by Laurell K HamiltonKiss of Shadows (hard cover) by Laurell K HamiltonA Lick Of Frost by Laurell K Hamilton (due out October 2007 or Dec 2007 dependignon wich part of the site you look at)A new computer chair (i'm picky about this one though I have to test drive it)Gift Certificates to Decent Exposures, Oriental trading company, Dream Maker, and Bookmarkany books by Tamora Pierce set in the world of Tortall (actually anything else she's written as well but the Tortall books are my favorites)Native American musicCedar Resin IncenseRose oilRose candles (scented)so that's my current list of desires. as always russel stoveres coconut clusters will be well recieved. As will company and e-cards and notes.

Cept update

Kim came home. Her situation at home is still pretty poor and if folks can keep prayers/energy/ thoughts ect twords things working out for her I'd appreciate it. Drkn and I are considering the feasability of offering Kim a place to stay with us. So far it is not looking very feasible but we are still looking into if it can work.

Ya know it's time to stop studying when. . .

You dream about reading the book you've been studying from. Yup I was dreaming the CNA handbook and still see lots of the skills writeups whenever I close my eyes. So I'm taking a break today and will return to studies tommorow. Considering how full today is going to be I need to be takeing the 30 min of study time I'd have allotted mysel today for self care. 15 of those min are already used in meditation today and I feel much better for it.

CEPT: Runaway

I haven't talked about Leong and Nyet on here but they are the couple my folks sponsered to teh US 15 years ago. They consider my folks to be their parents and they are very traditionally Vietnameese.Loeng just called my dad; his youngest daughter has run away. I like Kim a lot, she's 15, pregnant, and was scared of her dad's reaction. (Loeng is very traditional.) The cops know where she is but won't tell Kim's folks where she is. They are frantic and are really scared that Kim will be hurt wherever she is.So can folks please send up good thoughts that Kim stay safe and that things work out the best possible way they can? I am not asking folks to pray for her to come home because I don't know enough about teh situation at home to know why she left in the first place.Xposted to callihanians (slightly different format)

I'm here

I'm alive and extreamly busy. I'm not updateing much due to time management issues. Four hours of class time a week spread over two days means I'm spending half of each Wed and Thurs out of the house. Combine that with tryign to keep the house clean, and study for State and well my time for internet is pretty low.So if you want more info on my life call me. I'm likely to be scarce online for awhile.

Back online kinda

I have a new computer and spotty online acsess so far. we will be experienceing technical difficulties for a while as we figure out teh new computer and the network. phone and in person are still most reliable ways of gettign ahold of me or the kids.please email me your contact info if you want me to have it. Nothing on my hard drive was recoverable for a reasonable price. (starting at 500 bucks and going up from there i dont' think so.)also if I emailed you the excel spreadsheet of my scorecard please email me a copy of it, I'm recreateign it from scratch.